How It Should Have Ended

I want to spend a day in a ‘How It Should Have Ended’ universe of my creation. A full 24 hours spent in my very own utopia. For those of you that are unfamiliar with HISHE, do yourselves a favor and google that shit. There is an entire nerd following associated with this. In a nutshell, it’s taking a film and re-writing the ending; usually in comic book form. The alternate endings are meant to be funny and sarcastic. Usually they’re pretty dope; sometimes they sink like dead men with cinder block dancing shoes. They can’t all be winners.

This might be a good time for you to check one out to make sure you fully grasp the awesomeness. I’ll wait here *Jeopardy theme song plays*

Great! You’re back and have educated yourself on HISHE. My geek is showing again; I try to keep it tucked in for the most part. Sometimes it sneaks out – like a rouge boob. I’m not ashamed of being a geek, it’s a badge I feel I have earned. So many school dances I sacrificed so that I could stay home and watch anime. So many date offers that I turned down so that I could play Doom. True sacrifices made. Just fucking with ya! I was fat and emotionally unstable as a teenager, nobody wanted to dance with me or be seen in public with me. I’m still unstable as fuck, I’m a pretty big nerd to this day, and if you put Doom on the PlayStation – old Doom, not the new shit – I will tear shit up. Off topic again…sorry.

I was driving to work this morning and I was thinking about incidences in my life that haven’t exactly panned out the way that I wanted and what things would look like if they had; but not in a realistic way because that shit is mad boring. I created some incredulous – ‘never happening in million years’ type bullshit. Some true HISHE crap. You’re probably saying to yourself: “Christina, that all sounds great, but I need help visualizing this. Can you give me an example?” Of course I can!

Actual events of last year – Paraphrased

Tina: Hey, James I’ve been doing some research on mean incomes for my position here and I’ve compiled data and a detailed list of my responsibilities and why I think I’ve earned a raise. When you have time will you take a look at it and we can discuss it.

James: How much do you want? [does not look at my work]

Tina: *states salary request*

James: *not looking up from his work* OK

HISHE Universe

Tina: Hey, James I’ve been doing some research on mean incomes for my position here and I’ve compiled data and a detailed list of my responsibilities and why I think I’ve earned a raise. When you have time will you take a look at it and we can discuss it.

James: How much do you want?

Tina: *states salary request*

James: *not looking up from his work* OK

Tina: LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!!

James: *looks up* Huh?

Tina: Don’t be a rude asshole! I’ve worked for you for 3 fucking years! Show me some courtesy. I did research! I worked on this! I spit in your coffee!

James: *looks at coffee cup*

Tina: *getting heated and standing up over James while he sits in his chair looking bewildered* In the past 3 years I’ve done all the shit work here, taken all the bullshit phone calls, evaded all the dodgy fuckers that come in here looking for you – so the least you can do is hear me the hell out.

James: *gulps*

Tina: I want [desired salary] and you’re gonna start paying it or I’m leaving and not training the next bimbo you get in here. Oh, and I’m not writing the Craigslist ad to hire the little twat either. Think about that one for a little bit. While we’re at it, I would also truly appreciate some new office equipment i.e. a new chair and phone headset unless you’d like to pay my chiropractic bills.

  

James: *opens mouth to speak*

Tina: Shut the fuck up, James. Shut the fuck up! It’s my turn.

*Birds gently fly in from the outside and start circling the room around Tina and begin singing softly*

Tina: Some stuff is going to change around here; do you understand? Nod if you understand.

James: *nods*

Tina: Raise?

James: Got it.

Tina: Change?

James: Happening

Tina: Great! Glad we had this little talk.

---Tina turns to leave---

James: *relaxes breath*

----Tina turns back around---

Tina: Hey James?

James: *stammering and clearly rattled* Um…yeah?

Tina: The coffee pot sucks. Get a new one by Monday, ok?

James: Got it.

And THAT my friends is HISHE! The possibilities are endless! What does one of yours look like?

Below is a link for How It Should Have Ended - Have fun!! 

http://www.howitshouldhaveended.com/videos/