One of Life's Great Mysteries Decoded

One of Life’s Great Mysteries Decoded

As Labor Day weekend comes to a close I want to pass along some thoughts on a situation I found myself in earlier today. We’ve all been stuck behind that one driver on the road that dives 15 mph below the posted speed limit on a one lane stretch of road, right? The douche nozzle that has to hug the curb before commencing to turn from five or six feet before the actual turn all the while neglecting to use a blinker - that asshole. Been there, right? Why? Why do people like this get to have licenses? Why are they usually driving cars better than mine? It just doesn’t seem fair that this asshole should get to drive a Tesla at 20 mph and still not be able to locate the turn signal. If you’re only traveling at 20 mph why is your dexterity compromised? Why is it that you can’t find the little lever on the left that helps let other drivers know what your plans are? We need to know what your route is so that we can be sure to travel in the exact opposite. I can pluck my eyebrows at that speed, what’s stopping you? At first I thought maybe they’re just busy texting. I get that; one hand on the wheel one for texting, but that seems too simple. There has to be more to this? It seems to be an epidemic. There are far too many people out there that are afraid of rule breaking. There should be some free hands out there people! Flipside of that argument:  I’ve been popped for texting and driving. It’s a cheap ticket – gotta say it won’t scare me out of tweeting a reply if I think I’m witty. The only explanation left…there must be some mass confusion. People everywhere must think that somehow the use of their blinker is tied to funds in their checking or savings account. Each week or month you’re allotted a certain number or signal uses, you go over that number and funds are withdrawn from your account each time you use your blinker. It’s the only damn thing I can think of. Fools are trippin when they accidentally flip that bitch on and realize they’re in a turn only lane. Fuck! That’s $2.50!! Can you imagine?! Ok, so it’s not the cure for a terminal illness, but if I’m truly on to something here, can you fathom the number of jackasses we can save? Road rage fatalities would drop drastically and I can go back to safely plucking my eyebrows and texting while driving. Brilliant!

I’ll keep this short and sweet for tonight but I’ve got a storm brewing…sleep tight friends.