Don't message me

If you don’t know me at all, please don’t send me private message photos. I will not answer them and furthermore, I will laugh at them and share them with other people. We live with the digital world at our fingertips; that doesn’t mean we have to use it every chance we get and certainly not every time the thought crosses our mind. Call me old fashioned, but if you want to talk to me – try sending me a message with words. The photo of you in a tank top or engaging in some sports activity is doing nothing for me. While using big words like “I think ur real pretty” is charming, at the end of the day it still leaves me wanting something more substantial.

It is a regular occurrence for me to open my messenger [Facebook lizards I’m talking to you] and find notifications in there from complete strangers.  Some are innocuous and some are downright lewd. My question to the folks that do this shit is this: where do guys purchase those balls that you’re carrying around? Has anyone ever told you that they’re too big for you? Sending me random photos is creepy. If we’ve never had a conversation and you just take it upon yourself to open the lines of communication with a photo of yourself and some cheesy recycled line about how beautiful I am, I am going to assume that you play Dungeons and Dragons, live with your mother, have skin issues or a gluten intolerance and have a rare arachnid collection. Seriously, sending chicks messages – especially repeatedly is the equivalent of flashing her your nasty little naughty parts while out on a walk in the park. Don’t do it. We don’t like it. We are laughing and we do share it with others.

Ladies: Don’t respond. It gives hope. I’ve made this mistake. Even asking why they’re sending you messages in the first place gives the message of hope. TRUST ME. I encountered this recently with a gentleman in a professional capacity. We’ll call him Water Boy. I could not get it through this man’s dense ass skull that I was not interested. I wanted to be nice and not hurt his feelings, but I’m afraid that in some cases where feelings should be, they have been replaced with pure sex drive. I can’t pretend to understand how the male brain functions. I will say that I give men credit for having HUGE egos… I guess. My self-esteem is certainly not as resilient. God bless you guys for getting the shit kicked out of you and continuing to suit up; you poor bastards.

In closing: men please stop making asses of yourselves. It’s really sad. If you want to talk to a woman by all means do so, but please try talking first. Lead with your good foot – not your face. Think BEFORE you do this too. Maybe talk to a trusted female friend. She can help you.

Women: practice patience…just kidding. Carryon.