Get your own corner!

[Voice of Samuel L. Jackson] Well hello mother fuckers!

It’s been a while and if I had a heart I’d apologize, but we’re both laughing now aren’t we? For the past week I’ve been moving all of the shit I’ve accumulated [been hoarding] over the course of my unnatural life from one paycheck sinkhole to another - I’m reapportioning my misery. This was a good move and in actuality, I could not be happier. This is me being happy. Do you feel the “happy?”

I discovered during this transition that I had some amazing people in my life and some real douche bags too. This wasn’t an epiphany; I wasn’t sitting on the toilet, was struck with this thought, jotted out to Hallmark to by ‘Thank you’ cards and spent the evening giving myself hand cramps writing to all four friends. It didn’t happen like that.

First I had to be grateful for the friendships I had managed to form in spite of my sour nature, and then I had to come back to planet Earth by being forced to interact with some real jackasses. It really helps put things into perspective. Those friendships which I thought were awesome to begin with are now amplified. They’re like someone giving you the last piece of pizza AND some of the toppings of their slice too. Some day when I’m Scrooge McDuck rich, I’m going to throw a huge party in your honor – all four of you. *numbers subject to change based on mood* To those of you in the “other” category: Fuck off for trying to ruin my happiness.  Eat a dick sandwich with extra mayonnaise – you know who you are.

One of my other recent joys is having run out of my regular prescription sleep aid, I have gone back to using a standby. There’s a reason I stopped using these little crack tablets. There are actually a few reasons, but the one I like the best is that the dreams they create are way fucked up. I’m considering keeping a journal next to my bed and continuing to take these pills [even if unneeded] to probe the most twisted parts of my brain. I’m certain we’d have a screenplay that even Hunter S. Thompson would have been proud of.

Last night Bradley Cooper was a deep sea diver that was good friends with a friend of mine. They were doing a fuck-ton of cocaine while some other-worldly beings chased them around a hotel building. It’s pretty funny to watch grown men try to run in flippers while completely loaded. I highly recommend it. Meanwhile I was in a hotel room that had been converted into a hospital room with some kid I didn’t know that was apparently dying; most likely leukemia by the looks of it.

While I understand that’s not funny at all, I’m just curious how that ties into deep sea diving and cocaine. This boy and I were watching a nature show [probably penguins and maybe that’s where the flippers come in] and snuggling with our matching stuffed animals. At least in my dreams I’m a decent soul. All I remember is Bradley Cooper saved his own ass and ran off with a bunch of drugs and cash and my buddy got his head shaved by the aliens as punishment. They made him look like Julius Caesar. He was pissed. I might end up trying some midafternoon naps just for the hell of it.

Right now I’m sitting at my dining room table, light pouring in from the window, and my coffee cup is steaming to my left; which doesn’t make any fucking sense because I’m right-handed. Life is pretty fucking good right now. I just wanted to take a few moments to check in. A few moments to thank all the special people in my life and few to tell the others to shove a Pringles can up their ass. I am already a negative bitch; I don’t need any help in this department. In fact, this in kinda “my thing” and I take offense if you try to start helping. Think of it like this: We’re both hookers - this is my corner bitch…find your own! If you still don’t understand what I’m saying – well then, you’re more obtuse than I thought. I’m sorry. We can practice our alphabet next week.

Thank you to all of the wonderful people to who continue to love, support, listen and guide me. I talk a gang of shit, but when it comes to you guys – it is fair to say that there isn’t much that I wouldn’t do for you. So much love!!