And other bullshit lies

I’m not high maintenance – Full. Of. Shit. Not. Even. Fooling. Myself.

I don’t take 2 hours getting dressed to go out for the evening, but that’s only because I’ve given hope. Eventually we just accept the reality that we’re not going to leave the house an 8 when we got into the shower a 4. It just doesn’t work that fucking way, folks. Men, if you’re dating one of these women, do yourselves a favor and get out now. Save yourself the headache. Clearly, she’s delusional and it will only get worse. It’ll progress like a cancer, spilling over into all other aspects of your pathetic, one-sided relationship.

“I’m not high maintenance,” I tell myself (and him) as I adhere strictly to a routine that if deviated from, causes great distress and bitchiness. I have zero qualms telling you, or anyone who will listen, about just how bullshit I think a situation is if its uncomfortable for whatever – and I do mean whatever reason. But I’m not high maintenance. I buy generic label shit and never question it. If it’s on sale, it’s in my basket, regardless of whether the product next to it is preferable. So, you see, I can’t be high maintenance. We’re going to completely avoid talking about food and my choices surrounding it. Fuck off. Not. High. Maintenance.

Less is more – Said no one ever, who had anything worth having more of!

This is especially relevant when I’m throwing stones at other women for wearing anything in the clothing department that isn’t a burka or the equivalent thereof. If you’re an attractive woman with confidence, chances are, I’m jealous of you and trying to figure out a way to trip you in public and make it look accidental. There’s also a good chance that I’m fantasizing about you loosing your hair and teeth. I’m not a terrible person, I just have terrible self-esteem and destroying you is easier than working on my own.

The truth is, if I had legs and tits like the women I have taken issue with, I’d flaunt that shit too. I’d wear shorts and tank tops all year long, regardless of the temperature outside. That’s why boyfriends have coats; it’s not because they need them, it’s so we can use them.  

I’m not a bad person, I just want bad things to happen to all the people prettier, smarter, faster, and more capable than me. Does that make sense?

This is a good stopping point because, as it turns out, there are a lot of bullshit lies I tell myself – and you. It’s also 15 mins to 5pm and I have no intention of staying in this shithole country…I mean workplace, any longer than I am obligated to.

More to follow…