How many forms of self are there? How many
personalities does it take to drive someone crazy? In my experience it really
depends on the person. Just how crazy is the dominant personality to begin
with? It is also my experience that it takes exactly two personalities to fuck with
someone so hard that they pack their shit and exit stage left. I’m pretty
certain that there are a boat load of alter egos battling it out in my head like
Mad Max, Thunderdome style, but two are holding fort and making sure that the
lesser dignified ones stay in the shadows. The ones that pick scabs, laugh at
children when they fall, throw sticks at the spokes of passing bicyclists, and
spit gum from moving vehicles; these heathens are kept at bay by Christina and
Tina. These two ladies are remarkable in their own way (we will discuss
them momentarily) and are equally fucked up. Engage at your own risk!
Christina:
Christina can usually
be found socializing with small groups of friends. She feels comfortable here.
Christina feels like she can blend in and somewhat absorb the color of the
group. Not so striking is her glaring awkwardness. For the most part Christina
is a rule follower. You won’t catch her hopping lines at BART (Nor Cal Thing)
or sneaking into a second movie at the theater. You are more likely to find her
talking to stray pets and wayward souls. Christina once brought a homeless man
back to her own home; her mother was not amused. She often tries to give away
her internal organs to those in need, because….why the fuck not?! They’re just
organs, right? Christina spends a lot of time in her head though. Normally this
is only a detriment to the person carrying that burden, but Christina is so
generous she likes to share! Often, if you are close enough to her, you get
questions like “do you think {fill in the blank} meant to say {fill in the
blank} or do you think they mean to be hurtful? If they meant to be hurtful,
what do you think I should do? Is it passive-aggressive to do this {fill in the
mother fucking blank}?” Now – does your head hurt? It should! That shit goes on
all the damn time. Bless her heart, she’s real sweet and all, but SUPER
insecure. If it weren’t for Tina, the rest of the crew would rip Christina
apart and serve her for dinner.
Tina:
Tina is much more calculated
than Christina. That shit should scare you. She is still awkward, but doesn’t
really care and uses it to her advantage. Where Christina makes mistakes and
feels silly, Tina sees opportunity. The birth of “Take that, Bitch,” Tina’s
fake webisode dedicated to inflating her ego around her gym experiences has
paved the way for countless other fictitious business ventures and provided
solid work for a marketing manager and several other underlings. This is her
way of giving back to her community – because really, she don’t give a fuck! Tina
is often spotted alone in public. She may still reach out to the wayward souls;
most likely because that connection is still there - that feeling of being lost
and needing to connect. Tina is responsible for ranting. Don’t cross this one,
she will cut you! #2 pencils are not permitted when she is PMSing. Have you
seen John Wick? In the neck, bro!
In. The. Neck.
Imagine having these
two in your head at the same time on any given day. Now, also remove drugs and
alcohol. Do not pet or feed the animals…
😳
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