For the last
couple of days I haven’t had one single solitary original thought. I’ve
considered whether or not I should go to the movies without my son, but if and
when he finds out, he’s going to get all butt-hurt. I can’t begin to tell you
how wonderful some alone time sounds – just me and my ego. I’ve debated going
for a nice swim, but that means wrestling myself into a swimsuit and then
getting out of that thing once its’s actually on and wet requires the jaws of
life and I’m not into all that effort. The library is only three blocks away but
when it’s hot as Satan’s taint outside I am not trying to make that voyage. I
could drive but my car seats are generic leather and I burn my thighs every
single time I get in. Every. Single. Time. Besides, did I mention it is three
blocks away? I feel like Al Gore himself will hail down on me and begin yelling
about my carbon footprint and I really can’t handle that kind of guilt and
personal responsibility. I’m Catholic, I wake up that way and slowly work my
way into a place of moderate ease.
The last few
days I’ve felt more like a caged animal. Pacing and waiting. Waiting and
pacing. I just need for something to happen – something to break or maybe the
last thread to snap; the last grips I have on sanity to finally give way. How
could it not? I don’t get political here. I’ll leave it at that but the state
of our Nation right now has brought me to pray more than I have ever prayed
before. When I say pray, I mean pray for others, not the praying you probably
imagine that I do although I still do that too. God, if you’re listening I want
a Red Ryder BB gun, some Kendall Jenner lipstick (cuz I can resell that on the
web and make BANK,) a pet monkey that won’t eat my face off and a BBQ. That’s
really it. I have low standards. I want you to know I really had to think about
that last one and all I could come up with was a BBQ. I also figured out that
if the monkey eats my face I’m cooking the hairy little beast. So yeah, I’ve
been praying for others but their prayers are WAY better. No face eating
monkeys for them. The world can be a really dark place, I have to be able to
laugh at it or I’m liable to slit my wrists (or yours) when the Slurpee machine
isn’t working at the 7-11 and it’s all I’ve thought of two days; especially
when the rest of the world is hurting. Maybe you should be praying. Just saying…
I made the
mistake of thinking I could poke fun at the tabloids. I thought I would look at a popular women's magazine and find one of their stupid quizzes and answer all
the ridiculous questions and show you guys how absurd and one-sided these
things are. My hope was that I could point out that there are more than A, B
and C answers that are available as viable answers. Instead I found that wavy
eyebrows are the new trend. This is real? Are you kidding me? There was an
entire article dedicated to this “hot” new trend. They look like someone having
a seizure drew them on. No thanks. I’ll include a link at the end of this for
your amusement. I also counted no less than 12 articles on Tay-Tay. I am so
freaking over Taylor Swift. Will someone please find her a new boyfriend or
scandal to be a part of? Isn’t there something we can do with her as a society?
She’s distracting us from what’s really important – Kanye. He must be hurting
so much right now. *sniffle whelp* Did you know she released her album on the
anniversary of his mother’s death?? Tragic. What’s worse?? I know that!! Kill
me now!!
**Ring Ring**
“The old Taylor can’t come to phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she’s dead!” Give
me a break – give us all a break. Sorry, can’t speak for everyone. Give me and
Kanye a break, he’s been through enough…
I’m done
hating on Tay-Tay. I’m done hating on Kanye, he’s married to Kim – he has
issues enough. I’m done looking outside of myself for inspiration; it all
sucks. I suck too but at least I know it and don’t purport to be anything other
than what I am. When I am stuck in the muck and the mire I say something about
it. In doing so, I sometimes find myself coming to grips with my reality.
Reality check: not every day is inspired. The world is not the glistening pearl
I would have it be. Morality is set by each individual and I can no more change
or judge your morals than you can mine. You can try, many have – I don’t recommend
it. I’ll wind down because I’m thread bare and you’re bored. We numb ourselves. I
get that much. The crap in these magazines – the pages and pages of pure crap
astounded me. It’s been forever since I actually looked at a magazine. It was
crazy depressing what we consider entertainment. It’s also crazy depressing
what’s happening in our news. It’s just so worrisome to me that we are going to
end up a society of people who can’t get a grip on loving one another and
expressing ourselves in productive and non-harmful ways, but we’ll all have
wavy eyebrows and playlists full of Taylor Swift.
I feel better now. Thanks for
listening. The old Tina can’t come to the phone right now, she’s dead.
PS: NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY CURSE WORD!!! BOOM!!
Wow that wore me out .
ReplyDeleteBut you did say freaking :-p
ReplyDelete