For the last couple of days I haven’t had one single solitary original thought. I’ve considered whether or not I should go to the movies without my son, but if and when he finds out, he’s going to get all butt-hurt. I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful some alone time sounds – just me and my ego. I’ve debated going for a nice swim, but that means wrestling myself into a swimsuit and then getting out of that thing once its’s actually on and wet requires the jaws of life and I’m not into all that effort. The library is only three blocks away but when it’s hot as Satan’s taint outside I am not trying to make that voyage. I could drive but my car seats are generic leather and I burn my thighs every single time I get in. Every. Single. Time. Besides, did I mention it is three blocks away? I feel like Al Gore himself will hail down on me and begin yelling about my carbon footprint and I really can’t handle that kind of guilt and personal responsibility. I’m Catholic, I wake up that way and slowly work my way into a place of moderate ease.
The last few days I’ve felt more like a caged animal. Pacing and waiting. Waiting and pacing. I just need for something to happen – something to break or maybe the last thread to snap; the last grips I have on sanity to finally give way. How could it not? I don’t get political here. I’ll leave it at that but the state of our Nation right now has brought me to pray more than I have ever prayed before. When I say pray, I mean pray for others, not the praying you probably imagine that I do although I still do that too. God, if you’re listening I want a Red Ryder BB gun, some Kendall Jenner lipstick (cuz I can resell that on the web and make BANK,) a pet monkey that won’t eat my face off and a BBQ. That’s really it. I have low standards. I want you to know I really had to think about that last one and all I could come up with was a BBQ. I also figured out that if the monkey eats my face I’m cooking the hairy little beast. So yeah, I’ve been praying for others but their prayers are WAY better. No face eating monkeys for them. The world can be a really dark place, I have to be able to laugh at it or I’m liable to slit my wrists (or yours) when the Slurpee machine isn’t working at the 7-11 and it’s all I’ve thought of two days; especially when the rest of the world is hurting. Maybe you should be praying. Just saying…
I made the mistake of thinking I could poke fun at the tabloids. I thought I would look at a popular women's magazine and find one of their stupid quizzes and answer all the ridiculous questions and show you guys how absurd and one-sided these things are. My hope was that I could point out that there are more than A, B and C answers that are available as viable answers. Instead I found that wavy eyebrows are the new trend. This is real? Are you kidding me? There was an entire article dedicated to this “hot” new trend. They look like someone having a seizure drew them on. No thanks. I’ll include a link at the end of this for your amusement. I also counted no less than 12 articles on Tay-Tay. I am so freaking over Taylor Swift. Will someone please find her a new boyfriend or scandal to be a part of? Isn’t there something we can do with her as a society? She’s distracting us from what’s really important – Kanye. He must be hurting so much right now. *sniffle whelp* Did you know she released her album on the anniversary of his mother’s death?? Tragic. What’s worse?? I know that!! Kill me now!!
**Ring Ring** “The old Taylor can’t come to phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she’s dead!” Give me a break – give us all a break. Sorry, can’t speak for everyone. Give me and Kanye a break, he’s been through enough…
I’m done hating on Tay-Tay. I’m done hating on Kanye, he’s married to Kim – he has issues enough. I’m done looking outside of myself for inspiration; it all sucks. I suck too but at least I know it and don’t purport to be anything other than what I am. When I am stuck in the muck and the mire I say something about it. In doing so, I sometimes find myself coming to grips with my reality. Reality check: not every day is inspired. The world is not the glistening pearl I would have it be. Morality is set by each individual and I can no more change or judge your morals than you can mine. You can try, many have – I don’t recommend it. I’ll wind down because I’m thread bare and you’re bored. We numb ourselves. I get that much. The crap in these magazines – the pages and pages of pure crap astounded me. It’s been forever since I actually looked at a magazine. It was crazy depressing what we consider entertainment. It’s also crazy depressing what’s happening in our news. It’s just so worrisome to me that we are going to end up a society of people who can’t get a grip on loving one another and expressing ourselves in productive and non-harmful ways, but we’ll all have wavy eyebrows and playlists full of Taylor Swift.
I feel better now. Thanks for listening. The old Tina can’t come to the phone right now, she’s dead.
PS: NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY CURSE WORD!!! BOOM!!