It’s shameful the amount of joy I derive from catching fools
in their bullshit or bold-faced lies, truly. In my personal life, I love being
able point out the errors in what you thought was a well-laid out plan. Here, dumbfuck, let me show how that was
never gonna work. When it happens in my professional life it’s like winning
the fucking lottery.
I’m not a patient person; it’s in line with that of a 4-yr.
old with a full bladder and toys in the shopping cart that need opening. Gratification,
now! Answers, now! Action, now! Sometimes it’s as simple as fuck off, now! I
don’t let that get in the way of doing a good and thorough job, however. So,
when you tell someone that I haven’t completed a task you stand to gain from
financially if I were to fuck it up, believe I will challenge you.
I’m anal retentive about my work. A monkey could do this job.
A smart monkey, but have you seen primates in the wild? Resourceful
motherfuckers! Don’t pay attention to zoo primates, that’s an act. They play
dumb on purpose. They’re getting paid extra for the antics they put on, don’t
be fooled. That’s terrible and I’m going to Hell for the insinuation that they’re
there voluntarily. Add it the list of horrible shit I’ve done or said. I’ve
lost count but I’m sure someone out there is keeping track. I’m anal retentive
about a job that is remedial, so when you say I haven’t fulfilled my duties,
you’re damn straight I’m offended.
Today at work some asshole decided that they’d try to take
advantage of the system. Asshole, I am
the system. I guess they figured some 15-yr. old was on the other end of the
email chain and would rather upload photos to their Instagram account than take
the time to do a little research on the matter at hand. This unscrupulous piece
of shit wrote a letter declaring their discontent with our corporation because
we hadn’t refunded them. They were still receiving the product they had asked
to have cancelled months ago and were still waiting on the refund. Here we go…
I’m certain these shady shit bags don’t think someone will
spend the time chasing down payment details on a check that’s almost three
months old and only $59.95. I certainly don’t get paid enough to do it. Wanna
know why I do it? Because I’m a perfectionist
and I absolutely love receiving the email confirmation from my girl at the bank
with the endorsement on the back showing that this lying piece of shit
deposited our check into their account the day after they got it. I want to
circle their signature and email it back to them with the words: YOU LYING COCKSUCKER
on it, but I’m pretty sure that’s bad for business and we may get another “bad”
review. At the very least I think I’m owed an apology. Maybe they ought to buy
my girl at the bank a Starbucks card too, that seems fair.
So, from where I stand, you’re still getting the product AND
you got your money back? Maybe you owe us a little sumthin, huh? Next time you
decide to try to pull one over on someone, do it to someone who isn’t completely
neurotic and hellbent on proving themselves right. Or maybe just try being a
decent human being who doesn’t try to scam the system, you morally bankrupt bucket of monkey feces.
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