Recoverymoon

 Sunday, June 10, 2018

Within 48 hours of being married my husband was admitted to the hospital.

We left San Diego on Saturday morning from Las Vegas airport flying into Minot, North Dakota. I know what you’re thinking – that’s some bullshit right there. You’d be right. Minot, North Dakota is way the fuck out there. The reason for our destination wedding is to be with my husband’s father while he undergoes treatment for cancer.

Maybe I should back up a bit…

On Thursday May 29^th, we got a call that his father had been admitted to the hospital with the prognosis of cancer yet undetermined but they knew it was in his spine, liver, and kidneys. At this point, we are still waiting on the biopsy results for the type of cancer. By Friday (less than 24 hrs. later) he was paralyzed from mid-chest down. Kevin and I booked our flight on the shittiest and most affordable (cheapest) airline I could find immediately. This scrap metal airline only flies 3 times per week and the next available flight was Saturday, so we took it.

June 2^nd we arrived in Minot, North Dakota at Ralph’s (Kevin’s dad) bedside. If you’re hoping for a funny blog, you’ve picked the wrong day to read. Stop now. The rest is a fucking shit show.

The whole family began converging here in Minot. From all over the country people began showing up. Not knowing how long Ralph has left, we’ve all left our lives at home to be at his side.

I’m having difficulty even writing this. Sitting in a hospital room with him and his two sons – the rest of the extended family having gone home, I am flooded with emotions. There is a pride having been accepted by this wonderful family. This family that has rooted themselves in faith and love has accepted me. Loss - the inevitable loss of this man is overwhelming and incomprehensible. His smile, laugh, generosity and his kind eyes are nearly haunting. I can’t bear to think about what life will be like without them. There is also so much love. Even now, there is laughter in this room. As I lift my head from time to time scanning the room, I see adoration, patience, and a kind of acceptance that I don’t understand.

I married Kevin on Wednesday June 6, 2018 in his father’s hospital room. Most of the extended family was present. The family’s pastor performed the ceremony. We really wanted to ensure that Ralph was present for our occasion. There was no gown, no hand selected rings, no after party and it was not at all how I imagined it would be. It was absolutely perfect.

On Friday June 8, 2018 we admitted Kevin to the same hospital that his father is at. This is not how I imagined we’d spend our honeymoon either. I can’t sleep next to the man I love. My heart breaks every night. My heart breaks for Jane, Kevin’s mother, and for her sons. It aches when I drive home 30 mins each night to sleep alone. Jane has slept at her husband’s side each and every night, not leaving the hospital.  The family actually lives in a town called Deering which is 30 mins outside of the main town where the hospital is. Deering’s population is 98. Not 98,000 – just 98. Perspective.

I haven’t been able to write anything. I’m still struggling. I’m wiping away tears as I write this now. I am thankful that through all of this I’ve had a loving family that has banded together. I am amazed at the grace that this family is walking with. Faith and love – these are the tools this family is using. If it is enough for them, I’m certain it can be enough for me.

As it gets easier, I will try to write more. For now, I am walking through this as gracefully as I can with my family. We all need each other. We all offer one another support in different ways at different times. For now, I will sit back and watch these two men with their father and this woman with her husband. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Kevin gets admitted

Pre-Kevin Admission

Wedding Day