PTA moms ruin everything (rant)

This morning is perfect. I’m sitting next to the fire with an empty cup of coffee beckoning me to get off my ass and refill it. I’m writing while listening to music and I’m completely alone - this is when I’m at my best.

It’s an understatement to say that I lack finesse in dealing with delicate situations; a gross understatement. I have yet another example for you. Welcome to the torment of parenting imparted with a brain functioning as mine does. You’re welcome.

A few days ago I received a text message from one of the other mothers in my son’s class. I need first to disclose that she is the stereotypical PTA junkie. She has attended one too many pep rallies, had one too many glasses of the mother fucking Kool-Aid, and never left 1987, as she still wears spandex bike shorts and I’m certain she owns a fanny pack somewhere. Text message…right…not dismantling her persona.  This text message I get goes on and on about the shitty substitute teacher the kids had that day [insert overly expressive yawn.]

It’s not that I don’t give two shits about my child’s educational experience, but I don’t give two shits about my child’s educational experience. Obviously [or maybe not] I’m full of shit; of course I care. What apparently happened though has me with my chonies in a twist and taking a stance I feel a little uncomfortable with.

I got the impression from this mother that the substitute said some derogatory shit to the kids – called them stupid and made them feel bad about themselves. Normally I’d laugh and pull out my pom-poms, but getting the news from this woman ruined the whole experience. It’s like being handed the best fitting pair of jeans you’ve ever had in your entire life – life changing jeans, by the little ethnic child that hand stitched them. You just can’t celebrate that shit, so I had to do some investigative work; and now I’m really pissed because I’m doing work too.

I talked to my 10 year cry-factory about what went down in that classroom and I was surprised at his response. I’ll be the first to admit that my child is quick to look for an excuse to get out of doing something…anything. Instead, he told me that the substitute said that the students needed to be doing “better” in the subject they were working on. No mention of being “stupid” or “dumb” was made which tells me that some child/ren interpreted it in this manner, ran back to their parents, and made the substitute sound like a Nazi. I won’t use the word “snowflake” here, but some parents have sweet, sweet snowflake children that need protecting from the harsh and real world and will throw anyone under the bus in the process.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that I was getting text messages up until 9:30 pm the night of the event from this woman. She better be a wine-mom, at least this way I know that there are brief periods of time she may be remotely tolerable. All of this bullshit carried over into the morning hours when I received an email from the teacher stating that there would now be involvement from the Principal. Ah shit ya’ll – it’s gotten real. I can’t sit on my fucking thumb knowing what I know. I hate what I’m about to have to do, but I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna have to stick up for the sub. Below is a short excerpt from my correspondence to my son’s teacher. You can see why I lack finesse and am NOT a PTA member, fuck all that noise.

~ * Just a gentle note: In talking to Curran, he made it sound like the substitute may have told the guys that they needed to be doing "better" in their math and maybe not so much that they were "stupid" or "dumb" I try to remember that what children hear is often very "interpreted." We all want to protect our kids, but there are also several different stories and the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Curran said "she sucked and didn't explain anything and didn't do anything like Mrs. (Teacher)." 

I tried to remind him that it's hard for a substitute to step into that role (even with instructions) and just take over; especially with cultural differences at work. I'm not AT ALL discrediting what stories are out there, but I think we may also be dealing with alarmist parents who are taking what their children say as the Holy Scripture. I hope that this substitute is given fair assessment, that my thoughts are kept private from other parents that clearly don't feel the same and that perhaps my words are given some thought as well. 

Curran is usually the first to complain about how he was mistreated and in this case, he said that the substitute said verbatim: "you boys need to be doing better." Admittedly, he faked an accent when he did it though... I’m picking my battles.

I really hate being on the establishment side; it goes against what feels normal to me, but I’ll be damned if what some 10 yr. old kid tells their hyper-sensitive parent gets one of our educators in hot water without balancing the scales as best I can. Fuck you, PTA princess, and the gluten-free wafer you rode in on! Kids are lie factories. That’s fact. If you take everything you’re pre-teen says at face value, you are going to be a miserable parent and you’re going to make the rest of us miserable too. I will personally make it my mission in life to embarrass and discredit you. You should be very afraid to find yourself on that list. I don’t take no for an answer, I am extremely competitive, I have come back in life from shit that most folks would slit their own wrists over, and I generally get-off on making you look like a fool. Oh, and I have pom-poms and will celebrate my victory while drinking your glass of Kool-Aid that I rip from your hand. Take that, Bitch! Finesse!